Question:
Lately when my two year old son wakes at night (normally sleeps through the
night) he doesn't always go back to sleep but cries. Twice I've taken him
back to our bed and he falls asleep. While I DON'T want to make a habit of
this I really don't mind him in our bed SOMETIMES. Could this be habit
forming? And even if so is it really a big deal? Just curious as to what
others do in this situation.
Answer:
If you don't want to make something a habit -- don't make it a habit.
Few two year olds will choose to sleep along if they can be there nestled
BETWEEN Mom and Dad. And doing it occasionally is the most powerful way
to make it desirable i.e. reinforce it.
Since it sounds like it is only an occassional thing, I wouldn't worry
about it becoming a habit. And if it does become a habit, you are the one
who will have to decide if it is a habit you are willing to live with.
(No, it isn't a big deal if you don't mind it.)
It probably depends on the kid, but with my son I've found that I can
let him sleep in my bed sometimes without it having become a habit. I
always put him in his own bed, refer to his bed in his bedroom and my
bed in my bedroom, and treated sharing my bed sometimes as a something
special. So he quickly picked up that it's something for a special
sometimes.
Join the rest of the family bed crowd!!! As much as I am not a
believer in attachment parenting and other such methods (why am I
carrying a 30 lb toddler around most of the time, tho? hmmm.) there's
nothing sweeter than a two year old cuddled up against her parents at
night, sleeping like a log. It is habit forming, of course :-).
My son is five and still sleeps with me sometimes. He slept with me until
he was three then I got him a toddler bed to sleep in. Since then he will
sleep with me sometimes but not to often. I enjoy him sleeping in the bed
with me . It is really sweet when he is not kicking me or hogging the
covers.
My Partner was formerly married to a verbally and
emotionally abusive man and as protection she took her
daughter to sleep in their bed with her each night knowing
that he would not disturb or awaken his daughter. She did
this from her daughter's birth until she was nine years old.
Her daughter is currently having to have counselling because
of severe seperation anxiety from her mother at bedtime and
has numerous, related sleep disorders. We are making slow
but steady progress and after almost a year our nine year
old now only comes out of her bedroom every fifteen minutes
and will eventually fall asleep, exhausted, at around
10.30pm (on a good night!)each night after several screaming
and violent rages, psychosymatic illnesses, desparate
attempts to get her mother to sleep with her and many other
manifestations of her anxiety. By comparison, my stepson,
aged six, (who was always put in his own bed)is sound asleep
by 8.30pm. Up until this school term my stepdaughter would
cry when left at school for the first couple of weeks and my
Partner would often be required to remove her from the
school. Jennifer is otherwise an articulate, intelligent,
beautiful, creative and loving child. PLEASE BE VERY AWARE
OF WHAT CAN GO WRONG IF YOU ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO BECOME
ACCUSTOMED TO SLEEPING WITH YOU!
