Question:
We are at our wit's end with our 10 month old's sleeping.
He is still waking 2-3 times per night. Then he wakes up at
5-5:30 am. At that point, he refuses to sleep. Then he whines,
obviously tired for an hour or two, before finally taking a morning
nap.
At this age, a baby should be sleeping through the night. And so should
we! (He should really have been sleeping through the night 3 mos ago
or more)
The pediatrician and books have been pretty useless.
The radical solutions we might try:
- don't go in to him, no matter how long he cries (we have followed
Spock and so let him cry no longer than 1/2 hr). This could mean hrs
I suppose
- prevent him from sleeping during the day (this one doesn't work)
- sending him to bed later (doesn't work; besides he WANTS to go to bed and
is insufferable if kept up) Currently goes to bed at 7-8. Due to all the
sleep interruptions we go to sleep then as well.
- we could take some drug that knocks us out so we don't wake when he cries
- we could give HIM some drug (doubt if this is an opton)
The baby is otherwise very healthy (at our expense). Our immune systems are
at an all time low due to sleep deprivation.
Answer:
Bill, unfortunately there is no such thing as "should" when it comes to
infant development and behaviour. Your baby is *not* designed to meet a
set of factory-installed performance criteria.
There are a large number of simple and complex causative factors for
dysfunctional sleep behaviour in infants and children. Feeding patterns,
parents' reactions to the infant's "problem", cows milk allergy, ...
Some articles for you (if you haven't looked at them):
Elias MF, Sleep/wake patterns of breast-fed infants in the first two years
of life.
Pediatrics 1986, 77:322-329
Ferber R, Sleeplessness, night awakening, and night crying in the infant
and toddler.
Pediatr Rev 1987, 9:69-82
Schmitt BD, Infants who do not sleep through the night.
J Dev Behav Pediatr 1981, 2:20-23
It sounds like your coping mechanism(s) are becoming exhausted. If you're
frustrated with your pediatrician, then get a referral to your local
pediatric hospital before your frustration damages your relationship to
your child.
Regardless of what strategy you use I suggest that you alternate nights of
caring for your child, if your wife is nursing then she should pump to
provide milk for you to use on your nights. This will help with your sleep
deprivation. Make sure the person who gets to sleep doesn't feel guilty
or this will be a waste of time, you don't both need to be up, look into
earplugs if necessary.
There are a number of issues to be considered here, does the child
feel "safe", in other words does he know that if something bad happens
you will be there? Is he learning that if he cries long enough you will
come? Can you arrange to have sex at some other time besides at night?
That is a serious question especially with respect to the first suggestion
below. These are not presented in any particular order. Pick a method
and keep to it for at least one week.
You should make sure that he isn't legitimately hungry, if he is
going through a growth spurt (i.e. the first year of life :) he may well
be. Does he down those bottles if you fix them for him?
The only study I have seen showed no advantage to putting rice pudding
in formula before the baby goes to sleep. If you are feeding him you might
try using a nipple with a smaller hole, this will allow him to get more
sucking satisfaction with less formula/milk.
1) Let me suggest a truly radical idea, if you don't have a waterbed let
your infant sleep in your bed. This may require renting/purchasing a small
fridge to keep milk by your bed. (There is nothing wrong with cold
milk/formula, though your child may not like it)
If your baby uses
a pacifier it may be that he is waking up when he loses it, with him in
your bed you will be able put it back in his mouth before he(or you and
your spouse) completely wakes up. In general he will be comforted by your
presence and even when he does partly wake up he will be less likely to
completely wake up or to wake you up.
If he doesn't decide at an older age that he wants to sleep in his
own bed this will require that you wean him of sleeping in your bed.
At that time he will have better internalized the point that if something
serious happens you will really come, so the trauma at that point may
well be less.
2) Go in and check to see if he is wet or hurt, touch him so he knows
you are there, but don't pick him up. Then leave. If he is still crying
after say 10 minutes, go back in, if he is still crying after half an hour
..., In other words stretch out your response time. This will let you know
you are there and checking on him, while discouraging him from crying "just"
to be picked up.
3) Same as above only with picking him up and comforting him.
finally measure success in increments, it may take a long time for you
to get him to sleep the whole night through on a regular basis.
